the decade from hell

i'm not gonna speak profanities cuz i don't want to go hell.

i caught a flame

i've realize i've been livin in denial for one and a half months. no matter how i try to turn to other sources of distraction, its really hard to supress my feeings cuz its jus gona rise. i don't really know where to start . frankly speaking.i'm kinda stuck. i was hurt a month ago BADLY. and its kinda hard for me to let go. so thats why i feel like a loser cuz if only i knew that i couldn't handle it i wouldn't have taken it. i know it has been quite a long time ago. but i'm still trying to burnt all my memories away and thats hard.but i think it breaks me when i feel that probably i was forgotten loong time ago.and i'm still in this quandary situation . feeling all shitty and everything. i may put a facade but nay,i cant really escape the truth cnt i? still trying to swallow this shit down . hope i don't choke (:

God shaped hole

Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But all comes down to faith
Thats the way i see it

You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
"all we have is know"
But i don't believe it

There's a god-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a god-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill

Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?

That's my point of view...

i blew it

i've been cancelling appointments with my friend lately and he's reaally super mad at me. i know how it feels i know its bitchy and stupid and annoying. ppl done it to me before so i always try my best not to do it to ppl but apparently i was sick last fri and that was the third time we arranged it. so BOOMZ man. he was so mad at me and ignored me for 2 days i think. i said i was sorry and i asked him to forgive me. for being a total bitch but he didn't. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr whateverrrrrrr. who gives a shit.

tick tock.

i've not been going out lately.ah the weather is horrific :(
and i don't wana fall sick AGAIN
and i had diarrhea :O OMFG suck hell.
ohhh and i watched paranormal yest. not the current one. i watched the one in 2007. and apparently its based on a true story. the couple wanted to experience the spiritual ream and everything.. you know paranormal activites. to the expanse of their death. i have no idea why someone would wana play with this kinda spiritual thing. i think i was totally freaked out because the story was true and i watched it at night so. uhhuh. and i watched exorsism. the pocessed women was tied up to a bed with chains and she BIT HER ARM OFF. she bit her arm off. i was like what the HELL!? and she spat her HAND out. seriously. WHAO.

dollhouse

I’m just a girl, you’re just a boy
This is my heart, it’s not a toy
So what’s with you playing with my mind
We used to be cool, this used to be love
Now it’s become, something like a job
Like it or not, maybe things were changing right before our eyes

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

Cause I ain’t a doll, this aint a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No, I could never be, stuck living life like this
behind these four walls,cause I ain’t a doll

You call the shots, right down to my shoes
I liked what you liked cause you told me to
And i don’t think that you could even tell
I fell out of love, but it never showed
I gave up on us so long ago
But you’ll never know
baby don’t pretend like you know me so well

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
but you were in your own fantasy world
try to control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

I ain’t a doll, this ain't a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No, I could never be, stuck living life like this
behind these four walls,cause I ain’t a doll

I’ll never be made of plastic
So glad that my heart’s elastic
No matter what you do
I’ll bounce back offa you
Cut me but I’m not bleeding

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
but you were in your own fantasy world
tryna to control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

I ain’t a doll, this ain't a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No I could never be, stuck living life like this
Behind these four walls, I ain’t a doll

And I come with imperfections
Epitome of perfection
if you can’t understand, loving the way I am
then you’re no good for me, so glad i kept my receipt

Real life bitch in a fake ass world

my mom took the house keys and locked me here. and the bobby pins i used won't work.

i have been codependent but now i'm independent (:

meet me half way

God made everything beautiful.
and over time i realize........... he must have made ME cuz only God could create a beauty like ME.
and I"m beautiful.

anyways, i'm ill. you'll not know how fucking annoying it is to fall sick when you're otw home.
went peni today with co. saw some nice guits . thought of selling my electric guit.
thn when i reached home, i got a shitty lecture from my mom. and my legs feel like jelly.
its really cold here.
i need to get gel liner.
i have a headache.

WANTS

i'm very tired.
i want to throw up everything
i want to fall into a deep loong sleep.
i want to wake up thinking everythings gonna be okay.
i want to make everything perfect
i want everything i need
i want to reverse time
i want to be free
i want to be recognised
i want someone to guide me home
i want you to ignite me
i want to lead my life
i want to be happy
i want a garden
i want to fix my life
i want to reflect
i want to go to boston
i want to start anew
i want to get out of this place
i want to be found
i want to play
i want to start over
i want to get a lover
i want to go to spain
i want a new town
i want to leave this behind
i want the sunrise
i want you to fuck off
i want my time
i want you to wear my chains

fluff

home's kinda quiet nowadays. kinda like it this way. everythings so silent and peaceful (: its good cuz sch is jus wagg man(: loveit.
my hands are so cold now its kinda hard to type.
and spa was just...
but Z comforted me so i guess i'll do okok lo. :)
oh and firman has 4 cats?! omFg 1 cat and 3 kittens ;) awwwwwwww.
we were talking yesterday and i could hear his cat fighting over the line. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
i want one :)
persian cats are jus ... priceless.
anyways, i cant upload this perisan cat i saw on the net. kinda resembles shiyees face.. frm the side that is. shingZ.

i was like :@ he was like :* they were like :O

THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!! SHE WENT TO UPLOAD MY SPASM VID AND TAGGED EVERYONE ON FB. WALAOz MOFO SEY. GRRR. ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY ITS SO FUCKING STUPID!. BITCH!

blueberry yumyum

so can you tell me. whats a chebai?

shiyee:ermmmmm....... hmmmmmm..... a pussy?

correct!
so whats a pussy then??

shiyee: hmmmm.. (looks around anxiously) hmmmmmmmm........................... *shows pathetic face......................... ermmmmmmmmmmmm....
a pussy is an anus?

WA FTW!?

. . .

so whats erection then?

shiyee: :( cum?

. . .

it won't be coming back to me

im having problems playing desperately by michelle branch on my guitar.:( fuck it.
ohh and i learnt how to play boston by augustana on e piano. HA!
but i still prefer lullaby:)
and im gonna watch paranormal :)

don't worry honey, i never needed anybody..i never needed nobody

today was funny.
oh i got scolded by the bus uncle cuz i covered his screen. the one that allows him to see the uppe deck .
oh pls, i really dunno whats the big deal.
im down with flu, it sux.
sulaiman sounds like a very fat person..
but i hav a friend called sulaiman who's really cute.
and all my friends spam my phone today. haha
i can jus buang my bio pract, cuz i broke a testtube.
so lame sia.
and she kept staring at me. WTF?!
ohh..and we had a good laugh during lucnh time. haha.
i think my mom is totally not satisfied when i tell her i don't go out wit guys. cuz i'm usually back home late and i will get interrogated when i'm back. in the toilet, when i'm changing, when i'm reading, when im eating. walaoZ.
and i had tomato sauce all over my back and armpit. connie you drunk bitch.
it was really sticky.
yuck

between love and hate-----

Watched her as she wiped her eyes;
You don't make me sorry. Now I know
That you never listened - Listen.

Thinking about that high school dance
Worrying about the finals
Yes I know
You're feeling lonely
Oh lonely, so lonely.

Never needed anybody, I never needed anybody
I never needed anybody, I never needed nobody
Don't worry about it, honey
I never needed anybody
I never needed anybody, it won't change now.

Am I wrong?
Don't sing along with me.
I said I was fine,
It's just the second time
We lost the war

She'd be in the kitchen
I would start the fire
Those days are gone
But you know I can't give up - Give up.

P.S. if I may ask why
When will they get tired
We've stayed up
All night tryin' - Tryin'.

Never needed anybody, I never needed nobody
I never needed anybody, I never needed anybody
Don't worry about it, honey
I never needed anybody
I never needed anybody, it won't change now.

Am I wrong?
Don't sing along with me.
I said I was fine,
The second time
We lost the war

by the strokes..:)

you keep on crying, baby i'll keep you dry.

i spent a quiet halloween at home drinking and watching stupid vids of youtube.:)
oh ya pei ya somm bah leh ya roti prata cha quay tiao.
jus some pick up lines i took frm ben:)
school was fine.. jus that i was really shag today and had a terrible sore throat. co and i tried nail polish remover. i just sniffed it a lil and taste it a lil .haha it was hacking sick..argh.. i can still feel the aft taste lingering down my throat. pui noa.
yuck
and shi yee was being all so scared so she didn't try haha:)
i remembered i nearly stood on the zinc rooftop near the band room and co was so scared i'll fall off and die. hahahaha:)
i got no money, i got no car to take you on a date, icant even buy you flowers, but together we can be the perfect sole mates..
mamamia! here i go againn.
staying at home bores me to tears.