i caught a flame

i've realize i've been livin in denial for one and a half months. no matter how i try to turn to other sources of distraction, its really hard to supress my feeings cuz its jus gona rise. i don't really know where to start . frankly speaking.i'm kinda stuck. i was hurt a month ago BADLY. and its kinda hard for me to let go. so thats why i feel like a loser cuz if only i knew that i couldn't handle it i wouldn't have taken it. i know it has been quite a long time ago. but i'm still trying to burnt all my memories away and thats hard.but i think it breaks me when i feel that probably i was forgotten loong time ago.and i'm still in this quandary situation . feeling all shitty and everything. i may put a facade but nay,i cant really escape the truth cnt i? still trying to swallow this shit down . hope i don't choke (:

God shaped hole

Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But all comes down to faith
Thats the way i see it

You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
"all we have is know"
But i don't believe it

There's a god-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a god-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill

Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?

That's my point of view...

i blew it

i've been cancelling appointments with my friend lately and he's reaally super mad at me. i know how it feels i know its bitchy and stupid and annoying. ppl done it to me before so i always try my best not to do it to ppl but apparently i was sick last fri and that was the third time we arranged it. so BOOMZ man. he was so mad at me and ignored me for 2 days i think. i said i was sorry and i asked him to forgive me. for being a total bitch but he didn't. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr whateverrrrrrr. who gives a shit.

tick tock.

i've not been going out lately.ah the weather is horrific :(
and i don't wana fall sick AGAIN
and i had diarrhea :O OMFG suck hell.
ohhh and i watched paranormal yest. not the current one. i watched the one in 2007. and apparently its based on a true story. the couple wanted to experience the spiritual ream and everything.. you know paranormal activites. to the expanse of their death. i have no idea why someone would wana play with this kinda spiritual thing. i think i was totally freaked out because the story was true and i watched it at night so. uhhuh. and i watched exorsism. the pocessed women was tied up to a bed with chains and she BIT HER ARM OFF. she bit her arm off. i was like what the HELL!? and she spat her HAND out. seriously. WHAO.

dollhouse

I’m just a girl, you’re just a boy
This is my heart, it’s not a toy
So what’s with you playing with my mind
We used to be cool, this used to be love
Now it’s become, something like a job
Like it or not, maybe things were changing right before our eyes

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

Cause I ain’t a doll, this aint a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No, I could never be, stuck living life like this
behind these four walls,cause I ain’t a doll

You call the shots, right down to my shoes
I liked what you liked cause you told me to
And i don’t think that you could even tell
I fell out of love, but it never showed
I gave up on us so long ago
But you’ll never know
baby don’t pretend like you know me so well

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
but you were in your own fantasy world
try to control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

I ain’t a doll, this ain't a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No, I could never be, stuck living life like this
behind these four walls,cause I ain’t a doll

I’ll never be made of plastic
So glad that my heart’s elastic
No matter what you do
I’ll bounce back offa you
Cut me but I’m not bleeding

I tried to be a picture perfect girl
but you were in your own fantasy world
tryna to control me like some kind of Barbie
but that just ain’t me

I ain’t a doll, this ain't a dollhouse
You’re way too old to be, puttin me down like this
and playing around like this
I ain’t a doll, this ain’t a dollhouse
No I could never be, stuck living life like this
Behind these four walls, I ain’t a doll

And I come with imperfections
Epitome of perfection
if you can’t understand, loving the way I am
then you’re no good for me, so glad i kept my receipt

Real life bitch in a fake ass world

my mom took the house keys and locked me here. and the bobby pins i used won't work.

i have been codependent but now i'm independent (:

meet me half way

God made everything beautiful.
and over time i realize........... he must have made ME cuz only God could create a beauty like ME.
and I"m beautiful.

anyways, i'm ill. you'll not know how fucking annoying it is to fall sick when you're otw home.
went peni today with co. saw some nice guits . thought of selling my electric guit.
thn when i reached home, i got a shitty lecture from my mom. and my legs feel like jelly.
its really cold here.
i need to get gel liner.
i have a headache.